There's a young man on Twitter who I'm friends with in actual life. To be fair, I'm more friends with his parents, yada yada, you know how it goes. The short of it is, we've known him since he was about 9, he's a really sweet kid, but in public, he's very reserved. If I want to talk to him in person, I have to come armed with a list of questions that can't possibly be answered with a 'yes' or 'no'.
Not so on Twitter. We chat on Twitter pretty frequently, and he almost always initiates the conversation. Sometimes it's to tell me about his life events (like when he told me he's going to Boys State), sometimes it's to let me know his parents said hi, once it was him asking me how to connect his Twitter account to his Facebook account (and I gotta tell ya, it's a sign of the end of days when a 17-year-old asks me how to do something computer-related). This weekend, it was to talk about Scotland.
Somehow he's known me all these years without knowing about my obsession with Scotland, which is amazing enough in itself. The thing is, I wrote about Scotland on my blog on Saturday (my real blog, not this one), but didn't mention it anywhere else. So I'm thinking that either he read my blog Saturday or somehow the topic of me and Scotland came up in their house. Either way, I'm totally flattered, but also really amused that it takes the internet for us to have a conversation. On the other hand, given the short answers he usually gives in person, it may be that he's found his conversational niche with a 140-character update.
It's funny. I am also surprised sometimes by the seemingly shy person's seemingly extroverted interactions in virtual mediums. It is an interesting literacy expectation. Online spaces allow us to express ourselves in new ways because we aren't interacting in traditional social settings. We can't judge the facial expressions of those we are 'speaking' to. We can be anything we want to be without the pressure of public criticism. Thanks for this post.
ReplyDeleteI've actually noticed the same thing with a few friends of mine on Twitter that I know, but only sort of. It's not the site I'm doing for class, as I'm too much of a Twitter fangirl, but I think this happens on Foursquare, too. I know quite a bit about where a man who I'll call V.H. (for the sake of staying out of Google updates) goes. I've met him in person one time, and if he saw me on the street, he may or may not know who I am.
ReplyDeleteAlso, just the other day, I "checked in" in the same room as a person who I know but don't often talk to, and he turned around (he already knew I was there but hadn't yet spoken to me)and said, "Ha! You're checking in here?"
I think there is something to being online. My roommate, for example, talks to people on Facebook IM more than she'd ever consider talking to them in person. I imagine quite a few sites show signs of usually-introverts being more expressive and outgoing online.
I think I'm a lot like your friend. I often find myself being able to speak more freely with some people online than I do in real life. This is especially true of my parents real life friends that I am Facebook friends with. As a kid I was very shy around my parents friends and I have never seemed to out grow it... in real life. However, on the internet I feel that I am able to speak with them more freely. I wonder why this is.
ReplyDeleteYou may have hit on something there... a lot of teens that I know from church have added me on Facebook or Twitter, even if we don't talk much (either online or in person). For a lot of them, I'm too old to be a proper friend but still to young to be in the 'parent's friend' category, so maybe I'm safe enough to interact with online but still uncool enough to avoid in person.
ReplyDeleteI want to point out a parallel between your young friend's introverted personality in person and his inhibitions on Twitter. Perhaps he doesn't have much to say, but social norms and pressures tell him that he needs to keep a conversation going when speaking face-to-face with someone. The truncated nature of tweets allows him to say just what he wants to say, with no pressure to immediately form a response to the person to whom he is speaking.
ReplyDeleteI have noticed that this is why many people prefer to speak online (or through texting or instant messaging) rather than over the phone or face-to-face. They are able to formulate responses, retorts, arguments, etc. better without the time restraints of a real-time conversation. I am one of those people. I feel more in control of what I am saying and where the conversation is going if I am allowed this freedom to think about what I want to say and edit accordingly.
I think it's interesting how shy people come out of their shells in situations that aren't dominated by the typical social definitions they may experience in normal, face to face interaction. The Internet provides one of the foremost opportunities for this sort of activity, and I believe it is due in part to the fact that without the person right there in front of them, it is much easier not to worry about what they may be thinking about everything they see you do. I agree with Katie that they also get the opportunity to really think out and edit what they say, so that takes away a lot of social anxiety too. Overall, I think the Internet and social networking sites afford shy people a lot of opportunities to interact socially, and in a lot of cases, makes it easier for them to interact with people face to face.
ReplyDeleteI think this can be one of the downfalls of social media. Instead of empowering people to branch out and make real life connections, it's sufficient to chat only in the virtual world. I'm not saying that chatting online has any less value, but I feel like the social nature of humans is such that you forge deeper relationships with person-to-person contact (after all, that's all we did until a couple thousand years ago)
ReplyDelete@Katie: I think that's true. Although I have to add that apparently approaching me via Twitter has given this guy some confidence-- he's started talking to me on FB as well, leaving a lot longer messages. Again, I think I'm a "safe" adult-- old enough to perhaps give some wisdom, but not in any authority over him (or any other teen I know), so they can talk to me about things without having that extra emotional baggage.
ReplyDelete@Barbara: Definitely true. I put a lot more thoughts onto my blog (my real one) than I would ever say in person.
@Goli: Alas, also true. I'll have to wait until I next see this young man in person to find out if chatting online has made us better friends in real life.