"Bad temper often gets the better of them, for owing to their love of honour they cannot bear being slighted, and are indignant if they imagine themselves unfairly treated" (II.12.1389a.10). This is in the section about young men, directly after his mention of their hot temper. Even without the benefit of modern psychology, Aristotle hit on what is apparently a universal truth of men (although I wouldn't say it's limited to young men). A need for respect seems to be hard-wired into the male psyche.
I'm not saying this to rile up the gentlemen in the class; it's just that I read it and chuckled, because that's what they told me in pre-marital counseling. I've heard it over and over again since, in every marriage book, seminar, women's event, and any other opportunity for marriage tips to be discussed: Men want to be respected. One such book that I read a year or so ago (I don't have it any longer, so I can't credit the source) cited an informal study wherein mixed groups were asked two questions: How many of you would rather be respected but unloved? and How many would rather be loved but not respected? Over and over again, men responded at a nearly 100% rate to the first one. (Women were almost 100% for the second.)
As a perhaps more well-known example, consider Mutt in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. For the first 10 or so minutes that he is onscreen, Mutt overreacts to pretty much everything that is said to him, until Jones finally tells him, "You don't have to get sore all the time just to prove how tough you are" (IMDB). By contrast, even though Mutt says plenty of insulting things to Jones ("You know, for an old man you ain't bad in a fight... What are you, like, 80?"), the older man keeps his cool. This fits in with Aristotle's saying that "[old men] feel contempt for what people may think of them" (II.13.1390a.3). Having had more experience and "been humbled by life" (II.13.1389b.25), Jones sees no reason to get upset.
Perhaps he was exceptionally observant, or culture hasn't changed as much as we thought since ancient Greece, but Aristotle hit this one spot-on.
Source: Aristotle. “Rhetoric.” The Rhetoric and the Poetics of Aristotle. Trans. W. Rhys Roberts. 1954. New York: Random, 1984. 19-218. Print.
IMDB. “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.” Internet Movie Database. Amazon, n.d. Web. 7 Feb. 2011.
Interesting, and probably true (I'm not the most biased judge on that). I do wonder about your example with Mutt poking at Indy, though. I wouldn't quite say that Indy keeps his cool so much because of having been humbled by life as Aristotle might argue. Instead I'd say that in this case the psychology of that particular man diverges from Aristotle's schema and instead he remains cool because he has no need to prove himself to the younger man. He is simply that secure in his position. It's a minor thing, but something I think we should keep in mind when dealing with Aristotle: He generalizes. A lot. He takes broad strokes, so naturally he goes over the edges occasionally.
ReplyDeleteFair enough. I'm not an expert on the character of Indiana Jones, so I may have picked an off example. Perhaps it's more accurate in his case to say he felt contempt for what other people thought of him his whole life, and being older didn't make that much difference.
ReplyDeleteI agree here. Many (might I say most) cultures revere the elderly as wise and experienced. The same was true in Aristotle's time, when men often had pederastic relationships with younger boys. Their knowledge and wisdom were passed down. And the younger boy-older man dynamic was very well respected.
ReplyDeleteYep, very true. It's odd that many people (as far as I can tell) respect their grandparents, but our culture disregards the elderly as a group. Not sure how we make that leap of logic. Having said that, I spend a lot of time laughing at the funny things my grandma says, so I guess it isn't too far of a leap. :(
ReplyDeleteGood post...this is one of the few parts of this section that I agreed with. I also think it is a universal truth, or perhaps a universal behavior, for many men to exhibit the need for respect. I think it's universal because it stems from natural instinct. Men, with their naturally competitive nature, their desire for recognition of masculinity, and pride seem to contribute to their need for respect.
ReplyDeleteI agree that men demand respect... but I think increasingly women do too. This is practically the whole point of The Feminine Mystique, that women have suppressed the normal desire for respect to the point where it eats away at them from the inside and every single woman thinks she's the only one it happens to. Maybe I'm coloring the question with my own feelings, but I side firmly with the men on respect vs. love. I also don't think I could love someone I didn't respect, though, and especially as you go back in history, that's not true of your mainstream guy.
ReplyDeleteI really wish Aristotle covered women, even if he did it in the most misogynist way possible, because what he's really talking about are social realities and the social reality of gender is that men and women act differently. Even though I do believe both men and women want respect out of relationships, women obviously repress the need or replace it with something else, because women are taught that men are the ones who need respect in relationships. If women complain that men need respect and to always be right, think about what men complain about -- women need constant attention and need to always feel like you love them. Aren't those two different ways of putting in enough time to prove to the other person that you recognize their needs and care about them? To me, they both look like needs for consideration, not respect versus love. A good rhetor should know how to offer both kinds of consideration.
I found the survey disturbing. Can someone really love you if they don't respect you? It makes me sad for those women.
ReplyDeleteNikki
I'm with Nikki on this one... I don't think you can have love without respect.
ReplyDeleteWell, to answer everyone at once, ;), what I didn't share in my blog post is that I think a lot of the stuff that comes up in these marriage seminars is total rubbish. I used the survey as an example because it sticks in my mind, but it sticks in my mind because I thought it was dumb. My first thought when I read it was that I wouldn't stay in a relationship where I had to choose either love or respect. I think the point was to illustrate for either gender how much the other values one or the other. (But again, if the people involved have spent any time at all reading/attending these things, this shouldn't be news.)
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me that one without the other would kill any kind of a relationship. To love, without showing respect, would eventually cause both people to hate the other. Each emotion ia a breeding ground for the other. Like soil an' water with seeds in a garden.
ReplyDelete~ Yaya
Very true! That's a great analogy.
ReplyDeleteI think Aristotle focuses only on men in the reading as women back then did not have the equality they do today. In the past, women were expected to be the ones showing respect rather than getting it. But, it is funny to see how the basic characteristics of men and women still manifest themselves through the study in a time of equality. I love how you included the study you read about to prove your point. However, I think I'm with those who have questioned how someone can love (romantic love) someone they don't respect. The reason I have singled out romantic love here is that I can maybe see how someone could love someone they don't respect if this person is a good friend or a family member.
ReplyDelete